OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
