I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
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