No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
