would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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