ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Buhtt sex?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
