what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Of course I have a pirate flag
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
