During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
