sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
