I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize