But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
