I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
