Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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