Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Nicole vs. Life
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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