Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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