I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
