He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
