Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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