called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
