If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
