You're a womanizer and a bitch.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
