There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
