somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
