she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
cat food counts as protein by the way
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
