When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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