I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
love makes seman taste better
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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