Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Screwed.edu
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize