i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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