i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
