i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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