i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
