I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
false alarm, still single
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
