My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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