my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
