And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
