P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
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There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
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Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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