I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
