so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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