Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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