I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Randomize