puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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