Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
