Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
