1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
