The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
