So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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