Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
