There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
