just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
