worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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