Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
