he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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