I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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