I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
