i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I need moral support for this bender
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
