Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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