I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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