I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
