On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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