Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
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Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
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After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
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