haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Randomize
