So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
