You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
