at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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