doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
