i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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