Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
