When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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