I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
